My fiction. Readers beware.


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1 My fiction. Readers beware. on Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:04

Remiel


Stricken
First of all, this is NOT a fan fiction. True, I am a fan of DISTURBED and this is a fiction, but this is not a fiction about or involving DISTURBED. The main character is a swordsman in a modern (but not up to par technologically) time period. The intro will explain it.

If there are some words you don't understand, don't feel ba... No wait, feel bad. Buy a dictionary if you have to.

----------

Introduction

The end of a human life, humans die so quickly in comparison to the years the Earth has seen... Thousands upon thousands of years our rock in space has sustained life, growing plants and allowing animals to prosper. But when the planet has given up on life and the lives of it’s inhabitants, simply existing becomes constant waves of chaos in our everyday lives. This is Earth today, the years of slowly decaying and the massive flow of chaos has left us in the dark of what year or day we fall under... the people of this time have given up hope on finding our years, so they have deemed it the beginning of the end, year one.

Society has simply fallen apart, there is no government, no rules, and not a single ounce of order. The only way to find sanity is if you somehow stumble upon an establishment where order has tried to be restored, pathetic little “villages” where the law is decided by the one person sane enough to think rationally amidst all the chaos, commonly known as the chief... Most people now live the lives of mobsters, gangsters, and any other type of street grease you can think of, some choose to try and maintain the life of an age gone and passed, as a citizen trying to make the most out of a day. The rest live as the ones who hunt the scum and grease for money... the mercenaries.

Humanity now lives in fear, to survive in this life you must learn how to watch your own back because you can never trust anyone to watch it for you. There is always someone who will do anything they can to take whatever you have, even if it means risking the only thing they have left... their life. I suppose a person with nothing could put such a thing on the line without regret, even if they fail, but a poor decision in any case could easily cost you more than your life. Welcome to my world.

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2 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:05

Remiel


Stricken
That's the intro. If you want me to post chapter one drop me some replies. Maybe I'll get around to uploading some drawings I've made of the characters later.

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3 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:25

Zerstörer


Sickened
Interesting... You definitely have a way with words, man. I envy your talent.

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4 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:35

S.M.F


Eye of the Storm
Pretty good. I used to write things like that. I would definitly like to read the rest of that.

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5 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Tue 16 Jun 2009, 14:44

good work i would i like to see some more

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6 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:58

Remiel


Stricken
This is unacceptable. Three replies doesn't even come close to tempting me to post a whole chapter.

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7 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Wed 17 Jun 2009, 01:20

PoupéeFatale


Disturbed One
As an avid fiction read and writer, I have to say I really like what you've posted so far. The way you use words is just captivating.

More please Head Banger

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8 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Wed 17 Jun 2009, 06:51

Bowers


Immortalized
thats good and this is coming from a person who doesn't read Lol

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9 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:49

S.M.F


Eye of the Storm
C'mon and post some more.

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10 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:55

DYLANPCRIDDLE


One of The Ten Thousand
Sounds cool. A little like today's society actually.

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11 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Wed 17 Jun 2009, 16:04

Darkking


Asylum
vary sweet...i want to read the whole thing..hell it could even be made into a kick ass video game or movie if done by the right person...i like it and really want the whole story..i think i said that already..but um...yeah...k bye lol

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12 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Wed 17 Jun 2009, 22:35

TheSickness


Loading The Weapon
Post it already! Pretty please?

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13 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Thu 18 Jun 2009, 01:55

Remiel


Stricken
Okay everybody, you have succeeded. Since I no longer have a computer of my own I'll post the first three chapters instead of one to hold you over until I get more work done. Be warned though, I use cliffhangers effectively.






Chapter One

I just sit here, all day. They know where to find me if they need a job done. Doesn’t matter who they are, just as long as they offer something good... ‘No jobs today, the sun is going down. It’s almost disgusting seeing the sun set among all that rubble and debris, all of the past legacies like skyscrapers and impregnable fortresses has long passed, all we can manage now is a crude shack or base made from the remnants of those days... Those days I just can’t seem to remember.’ My mind was starting to wander, I had to get up and do something before I started drifting into psychosis. “Maybe there’s some action downtown...” I took off toward the dim lights that still signified activity in the city. I needed to try for a new weapon anyway, the swords on my back were beginning to rust... who knew blood could corrode metal?

The lights looked far away, but sometimes when I focused, I could be there in an instant. Maybe it wasn’t focus, but lack of it that made me feel that way. I walked the distance from my dark corner of the city to the still thriving center. True, the old shops and businesses were gone, but the leftovers offered jobs to peddlers and scavengers alike, pawning off these remnants as if they had once owned them. I noticed a weapons merchant under a lamp post, swords and guns... “Hey there tall stranger, you look like the swordy sportsman type! Why don’t you try out some of my blades, maybe even a gun or two, eh?”

The guy looked pretty seedy, though you can’t expect much more from a scavenger. I decided to give the guy a sporting chance and checked out his supply. “Pretty good stuff ain’t it boy? I’ll make you a special bargain, eh? These three top-quality blades right here for that shiny little necklace you got there. Whaddaya say?” I couldn’t respond. This necklace has been around my neck since before I can remember... it’s odd though, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t remove it from my person. “I’m afraid the necklace stays with me.”

He looked a bit disappointed, “Well then sonny, how’s about I throw in this revolver and carrying case and you throw up that pretty little show sword you got on yer belt? Sounds fair enough, eh?” Once again I had to think of a response. This sword was somehow connected to the pendant, I could tell. Seems every time I misplaced it, it somehow got back into my hand. Almost like it were a part of me. “The value of this blade exceeds that of your life. I could do away with you and take everything you have. I’ll give you my offer.” I slapped a fold of bills on his table. “You can take this paper for that sword or I can take your head.”

He panicked a bit, but quickly responded, “Well you make a good offer boy, I can’t see how anyone with a brain could pass this up!” He swiped the bills off the table and pushed the sword in my direction. He still looked nervous. “Okay, time to close up shop and relocate before the business runs dry, needs and demand, you understand doncha sonny?” He threw his wares in a sack and folded up his table. He let out a bit of a nervous laugh when he saw I was still staring at him. I suppose the pale green eyes frightened him because he took off faster than I’d ever seen street grease move. “Pathetic.”

I examined the blade I had bought more closely. It was the best of the litter on his table, the rest looked like an idiot with a hammer beat a piece of lead into a blade. This one was steel, a longsword, with blood drive. A bit off balance but I could adjust that myself. “Hey merc!” I heard a shallow voice from behind. Must be important if he’s got the guts to yell at me. “You’re the guy with the shining sword right?” I looked down at the sword on my belt. “Shining sword... Is that what you people have named it?” He looked frustrated at my response, I don’t know why. “You know what I mean! That’s the sword people see glowing when you roll your eyes in the back of your head!” Who was this guy? I never rolled my eyes back. Always focus on the target, that’s the rule. I suppose I should try to communicate with him. “Well, you found me, what do you want?”

He lifted a crooked smile, his mood swings were apparent. “Right to the point then, I like that. Follow me to my headquarters please.” A strange thought occurred ‘.... Headquarters. Pfft, his head is full of quarters....’ It may have been some kind of insult. Good thing it didn’t actually come out of my mouth. I followed him, down an alley, across the street, down another alley, up a fire escape, and into a third floor window. I looked at his base of operations. Filth, garbage, the stench of rotting rat carcass. Sarcasm kicked in. “Nice place.” He frowned, I responded, “Right, onto business please.” He pulled a revolver out of his pocket and pointed it at my head. “Yes, business proposition number one. Don’t move.” I stayed still. Just to humor him. “Now start unhooking those swords and that armor on your shoulders.” I started with the ‘shining sword’ as they called it. I had a rather malicious plan. “Right, now take it off that belt and leave it in the sheath or you’re dead.”

I did as I was told for the time being, I wanted to see the look of surprise in his face when he realized that I was the one in control. I removed the scabbard from my belt as instructed, and held the sword out to him as if it were an offering. He must have caught a glimpse of my unnerving gaze because he looked delighted but nervous at the same time. An odd mix of emotions... “Alright...” he managed to find some words, “Now just toss that over here and get started on the rest. I don’t have all day to deal with you.....” I stayed put.

I believe I annoyed him a bit because I saw tension in his trigger finger. A bead of sweat started to form on his forehead. I just stood there holding the sword out to him, waiting for him to do something. He started grinding his teeth, “What the hell are you waiting for!? Just throw the damn thing!” That’s what I wanted to hear, I responded, “Very well then.” and threw the sword across the room, piercing it right through three ribs and his left lung... I must be getting rusty, I missed his heart.

He began to fall and pulled the trigger, but it was a worthless gesture. His aim was horribly off as the bullet barely hissed past my shoulder plate. Guns... such worthless weapons. I walked over to him on the opposite side of the room, there was blood pouring from his chest and he was gasping for air. He coughed up a bulb of blood on the floor when I reached him. I looked down on him as he sat bleeding to death. I still had one thing to say, “Still in the sheath, just as you ordered...” I think he tried to curse at me but I just heard him moan with pain.

He fell the rest of the way to the floor from his partial sitting position and a puddle of blood formed around him. I pulled my sword out of the cavity in his chest and gave a second look at the gun he carried. To me it was worth nothing, but, in someone else’s posession...

I found my way back to the city’s center, following the lights, as I always have. I reached the intersection where the scum sold their sinfully acquired merchandise for far more than it was worth. The merchants lined the walls of the crumbled buildings peddling their wares unaware of what just happenned a few blocks away. There were weapon sellers everywhere, but there was one in particular I was looking for... the problem is he found me first. I caught him in my sight while he was frantically trying to put his things away and retreat, I wasn’t about to let that happen.

The seedy merchant scooped up his table and satchel and started into an old alley, but fell over backwards when he saw I was standing there waiting for him. He gave a nervous laugh,”Well hello again sir... er, having some trouble with the merchandise...? Eh...?” So pathetic, one threat and they can’t even look directly at you without soiling themselves. “Relax geezer, I’m not here for your head.” He forced a three tooth smile and stood up. “Well, er... anything I can help you with then, sir?” I saw a short steel blade protruding from his satchel. I pulled the revolver out of my pocket with my hand on the barrel. I directed my attention back to him, “I’d like to make a trade.”

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14 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Thu 18 Jun 2009, 01:58

Remiel


Stricken
Chapter 2

The poly-sheathing scabbard on my back was gaining considerable weight with the new shortsword and longsword neatly strapped in. I would have to readjust the belts when I returned to my shelter. I now had five blades on my person. A longsword, a broadsword, a shortsword, a hand-and-a-half sword, and the civilian named ‘shining sword’ that hung at my waist. The perfect assortment of calibers never failed me before, but I felt I needed a blade that was a bit... greater. I made a mental note to look for a greatsword the next time I came across an arms dealer.

I could have returned to my area and rested but I found that when I slept I always woke up exhausted. The night is when I wandered... The time the mercenary becomes a bounty hunter, seeking his own targets instead of someone else’s. I started poking around looking for info. I heard plenty of petty crimes, robbery, brutality, any other night I would use these for all they were worth, but tonight I needed work... I wanted something big.

It wasn’t long before I got what I was looking for. Even in a place like this, I was surprised this information came so easily... I guess when people think they’re alone, they’re safe to say whatever they want. I remained hidden in a shadowed window of an old apartment building. I listened in on two men making a deal....

“So uh, the boss was wonderin’ when the stuff’s gonna get here ‘aight?”
“Don’t worry yourself, my men are on the job. There won’t be any trouble this time.”
“You betta hope so bud, or the boss might have to send out for you and your boys, you get me?”
“Don’t threaten me, your dust is in a train car on the east side of the city. Show up early, and we kill you, show up late, and the train is gone. Understood crony?”
“I’ll tell the boss, we’ll be there after sunset. Don’t do anything stupid, m‘kay Charlie?”
“I’d worry more about myself if I were you. This dust means nothing to me, I could just blow up the car and have it over with. Remember, I hold the cards here.”
“Heh, whateva you say Charlie. See you tonight.”

‘Hmmm, a drug bust. Not much my style but there’s got to be some serious money in this dust pusher. I’ll stake it out when the time is right.’ From what I’d heard there was obviously going to be a lot of security. I would have to remain hidden, or get into the frame of mind for blocking bullets. I had done it before... I just can’t explain how... it’s like when I know my life is in danger, a certain instinct kicks in. I could say one thing about it though, the pendant and shining sword had something to do with it. They light up, completely out of my control, and send a certain unexplainable power running through me. I would eventually have to figure it out.

I returned to my dark corner and readjusted the straps on my scabbard. The ragged maroon cloak I was wearing would help me hide in the shadows should I need to. I slipped the pendant into my shirt and slid the shining sword to my back so the cloak could conceal it. I didn’t want to give away my position if they decided to light up. The dark swallowed the landscape, the sun was now completely set and the only visible lights were in the center of the city and, to my delight, on the east side of the ruins.

I looked into an old mirror and concealed anything on me that would stand out in the dark. Everything was pretty well in order once I flipped up a hood to conceal my untamed blonde hair. The brown-red cloak covered most of my front and all of my back. I just had to avoid flashlights as they would reflect off of my armor plates and swords. I took a deep breath and prepared for a raid that could either make me rich or make me dead. The way I see it, either outcome is fine with me.

The lights in the eastern ruins got brighter as I closed in. They were still dimmer than the ones in the center of the city, plus with all of the ruined buildings hiding would be no problem at all. I closed in on the crumbling foundation of an old train station. The tracks must still be good if they can carry a train full of drugs. I heard two people talking, I recognized the one voice but the new one sounded deep and sinister.
“Well Gerald, I’m glad you made it.”
“Don’t kiss ass Charlie, just point me in the right direction so I can examine the stuff.”
“Down to business then, right this way.” They began walking the tracks, I followed silently in the dark.
“I hear my lackey gave you some trouble, I’ll be sure he is dealt with.”
“I appreciate your generosity sir, but I believe your payment for the merchandise will be reimbursement enough for me.” I could see the train, but I was more focused on the suitcase in “Gerald’s” hand. How much money can fit in one of those things? I’ll just have to find out.
“This is the car?”
“Yes sir, filled to the brim with white gold. Allow me to show you...”

He pulled a key out of his pocket and put it in the large padlock holding the car door closed. He began to turn it but stopped to look around. He got a bit of an annoyed look in his eye and dismissed his guards. Just one more step to making my job a lot easier. He continued with the padlock until it clicked and he lifted it off the hinge.

“Feast your eyes on the mother load.” He seemed a bit overly joyful as he pulled the sliding door open. I shifted a bit away from the wall so I could see what was worth so much. Mountains of bags littered the train car, all full of white powder and crystals. If someone can consider drugs gold then they have yet to discover the glory of consciousness. The one called ‘Gerald’ moved toward the car and picked up a sack. He cut open the top and ‘tested’ the dust. He grunted in approval.

The suitcase was slid across the ground and picked up by the other one, Charlie. He lifted an evil grin and said, “Any time you need something Gerald.” A polite reply, “You’ve never failed me Charlie. The key to the case has been delivered to your office...” He didn’t look at Charlie this time when he spoke. I still couldn’t tell what the creep looked like. I was trying to examine his face to see if he was wanted but he was always in the shadows. I directed my attention back to Charlie, he had began to leave with his guards.

I eyed the suitcase carefully. It was locked in two places but it was nothing I couldn’t pick with a blade. A light flickered on above me and I dove out of the way. In the extra light I got a better look at Gerald’s face as he headed for the front of the train... Receding hair line, pale skin, a gray mustache under a hooked nose, this guy WAS wanted, I just couldn’t remember the bounty listed on his poster. I remember it was quite a number, but whatever was in that suitcase had to be worth more. A thought ran through my head that I had to comply with, ‘Just make a choice... pick one.’

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15 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Thu 18 Jun 2009, 01:58

Remiel


Stricken
Chapter 2 Cont.

I decided that if this guy was such a big-shot he’d be back some time, but I may never see that suitcase again. Any other bounty hunter probably would have done the same thing. I heard the train fire up and start moving. I was surprised such an antique worked, it was running on steam. I watched the Charlie guy get farther away, as soon as he and his guards were doused in shadows I decided to move out.

“How’d the trade go boss?” One of the guards was asking Charlie. “Perfectly, we got our cash, and got rid of some worthless powder. I’d say he got the short end of the deal.” The guard lifted a relieved smile and asked, “We goin back to the base boss?” Charlie stopped and complied, “Not right away, I could use a drink.” The guard walked past him, “Whatever you say boss.”

They took a turn and headed for the dome of light that was the center of the city. I’d have to get their attention before they got too close to town, those guns were shoddy and made of scrap parts, they would make too much noise to make this a quick and quiet collection. I may be in over my head, there were four guards, all armed with spread and semi-auto guns, and I had to find some way to take that case without getting shot... a challenge I searched for, a challenge I found. I scoped out the two guys in the back.

“What do you say boys? Should we invest this rather large sum into a vehicle?” The guards laughed, “Yeah, trips like this one would be easier traveled with some wheels under us.” “It’s a good idea boss, you lookin at a truck type or a smaller one?” “I’m not sure, let’s ask our car expert, what do you think Rasp? Truck or car?” Silence.... “Rasp?” They turned around and realized their buddy was nowhere to be seen. ‘Damn it, I was hoping I could finish this quietly.’ The guards hoisted their guns over, pumped them and formed a triangle around their boss.

I dashed out of the shadows with my longsword and broadsword in hand and took out a guard and swiped another’s gun out of his hand, sending it into the darkness. My presence was known, the remaining armed guard whipped the gun in my direction and fired a scatter shot but I jumped back into the dark. Think quickly, never act on impulse, human instinct can’t be trusted.

“Who the hell was that!?” The guard I had unarmed pulled a pistol from his belt as he yelled. “Boss! We’ve been targeted!” Charlie’s face was furious as he picked up his dead ally’s sawn-off shotgun and braced the suitcase under his arm, he knew what I wanted. “Stay close, these swordsmen like to pick people off one at a time...”

One at a time... I would have preferred it that way, a greatsword would be perfectly placed in a situation like this. I would have to continue trying to stay hidden. ‘Pistol, two shotguns, one sawn-off... one suitcase... I can do this.’ Once again I dashed out of the shadows, this time stabbing the shotgun wielder and using his limp body to shield a shot from the pistol. Charlie turned around and took aim, I threw the body at him but he side stepped it, and unleashed a round of pellets into my side. ‘Damn! It had to be today I fought a smart one...’

The shock of being shot sent me off balance and I fell to the ground. The last guard readied the pistol and pointed it at my head. I could feel blood pouring down my side, heart rate increasing rapidly, my breathing was heavy and I couldn’t see straight. But my rapid pulse wasn’t caused by the bleeding, it was something else. The fear of death...? The muscle where I had been shot started quivering.

The guard with the pistol fired, but the bullet ricocheted off of something. The guard looked back to his boss and then back at me, “The hell? Gonna have to recalibrate this piece of crap after I kill you.” He pulled back the clip and pointed the gun at me again, my pulse was still increasing, a heart isn’t supposed to beat this fast, but with every pulse beat I could feel more energy build up inside of me... He fired again and I kept my eyes open, another ricochet, ‘Was that my sword?’

The guard grunted and threw the pistol into a window, “Boss, the shotgun please.” Charlie threw the sawn-off to his guard and lifted an evil grin. “Your luck runs out right now swordsman.” He relaxed his grip on the suitcase and put it back in it’s original position. I felt something hot fall into the bloody side of my shirt, I felt for it. ‘A bullet?’ That one was followed by four others, the blood had stopped pouring from my side, a faint glow was showing through the holes made by the shotgun blast. ‘It’s happening again!’

“Time to die hunter.” I felt the weight lift from my back as the shotgun spewed fire and lead in my direction, loud pinging noises of several bullets bouncing off of steel filled the area and echoed off ruined walls. I stared at my blades floating in the air in front of me, they were lined up next to each other, forming a steel wall between me and the shotgun blast. I stood up full of energy and saw the ‘shining sword’ in my hand, I hadn’t drawn it from it’s sheath, but there it was in my grip. The swords shot through the air and returned to their places in the sheath on my back.

The guard’s eyes widened and he turned to run, desperately trying to reload the gun and chamber another round. I suppose the sight of floating blades would scare any normal human, but not to the point of screaming and running. “This guy ain’t human!” He dropped the gun and ran, I watched him sprint away from the buildings, but he wasn’t going to escape. I started to run after him, but I couldn’t feel the ground beneath my feet... I looked down and realized I was floating about six inches off the ground, but that didn’t surprise me as much as what was reflecting off that old window.

I was looking at my own reflection, but, those eyes.... those were not my eyes. My eyes are pale green, they always have been, what I saw here was white. No pupil. No retinas. Just an eerie glowing white. I observed my sword and pulled the pendant out of my shirt. The blade of the ‘shining sword’ was emitting what looked like blue steam, as was the jewel embedded in the pendant. Raw power, I presumed, was taking a visible form. After I pulled off my hood I just stood there and let it soak in... this was really me? I caught motion in the corner of my eye.

Charlie was slowly leaning down to pick up the shotgun under his buddy’s corpse. The suitcase was back under his arm. A thought ran through my head. ‘Time to die Charlie.’ Before I had realized I was moving I was standing in front of him holding a sword in his gut. Without thinking I lifted him up and stabbed the sword into a wall. This power... it was run by instinct, I hated acting without thinking, but these were special circumstances so I would let it slide, just this once. I pulled the shortsword out and stuck it under his collar bone, he dropped the case. I picked it up and said, “Wait here, I’m not done with you.” ...As if he were going anywhere, he was impaled on a brick wall.

I scanned the open areas and spotted the lackey still running. That far away? He should be hidden in shadow out that far. ‘My eyes...’ They weren’t only glowing because my equipment was, they had a deepened perception, I could see in the dark. ‘What other abilities could this power hide?’ I decided to try and find out. I raised the ‘shining sword’ and speared it through the air toward the running guard, and took off after it.

It didn’t take long for the sword to reach him and nearly slice out his spine, and took even less time for me to catch up and draw the sword from his back. ‘This speed... incredible.’ I remembered I had the suitcase. I didn’t feel like picking the lock so I just sliced the thing in half. But what was inside... not money... it was a series of wires and a console. A bomb. The wires leading to the keyhole suggested that a key would trip an explosion. An evil happiness spread through me, ‘Charlie’s buddy isn’t as trustworthy as he thinks.’ I dropped the junk where I stood and went back to deliver the good news to my victim.

What I expected to find was a nearly dead, bleeding mobster hanging on the wall from two steel blades, but what I found was considerably less. One bloody sword in the wall, and one bloody sword on the ground. My pulse had slowed down as I was toying with them, but the sight of this made it flare up again and pulse insanely. The power was no longer flowing from me, it was exploding from me. In fact, when I caught my shining reflection in a window I looked like I was standing in an explosion of blue flame. No money in the case, no money from Charlie’s head, nothing to reward all this work. It was an emotion, rage, that was fueling me this time.

Hightened preception again... I heard a train whistle far off in the north. ‘Gerald..... I’m not going back with nothing.’

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16 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Thu 18 Jun 2009, 02:03

Remiel


Stricken
Chapter 3 ( This is my favorite one.)

The light, the fire, I felt the power react to my emotions. Fear saved my life, now rage was about to show me it’s power. I focused on the direction the train whistle had come from, but the sound was so distant I doubted I could catch Gerald. It didn’t matter, I had to see just how fast I could move with this power I had released. I readied myself for a bloodbath and began to run.

I was still hovering above the ground, every running step I took propelled me five times farther than any normal person could sprint. As I ran all I could think about was ending his life and removing everything he ever knew from this world. I lost focus on my running and felt an odd numbness spread through me, when I became aware of my surroundings I was still moving quickly, but I wasn’t propelling myself. I was on top of a train car. ‘No way...’

This power... I began to wonder if I would ever understand it. I quickly threw the thought aside, I had more important things to worry about at the time. I dropped to the nearest link in the train cars and started to devise a plan. ‘Just where could that old bastard be hiding?’ The passenger cars were toward the front of the line, I would have to climb over some of these freight cars to get there. Once again the straight out wanting to kill him flooded my mind. I turned to climb the first freight car I had jumped from, but what I saw wasn’t what I thought it should be.

Instead of a freight car I was looking through a window leading into he first passenger car. Some of my questions had been answered by the demonstration of this power, but along with the answered questions there were new arising questions. One rose out above the others and tore at my thoughts, ‘How could I possibly come to control such a thing...?’

I didn’t have the patience to wonder about it, I had work to do. I threw open the door and pulled out the shining sword and my hand-and-a-half sword and began cutting down everyone in the train car. People yelled, people cursed, but before long they were all just bleeding corpses. They were all people with names and lives of their own, but for what I cared, they were just fragile obstacles in my way. I didn’t care who they were or what they may have become, I just wanted to find that old crone and take everything he was worth.

I stepped out the other side of the passenger car and felt rushing cold wind hit me. This fossil of a vehicle was still gaining speed... Once again the rage flowed over me like a torrent wave and any other thoughts besides death and greed were disposed of instantly. ‘Something... toying with my mind...’ It was all so new to me, I could barely control any of this power, the energy, all I could do was swing at what I wanted dead, and watch it die.

A burst of energy helped me kick the next door off it’s hinges. The extreme force sent the dislocated piece of metal flying through the car until it reached the other end and actually cut someone in half. This odd gruesome sight caught the attention of the others in the train car, but only for a moment, this one was full of armed guards.

I slashed a couple of them near the open doorway but a flurry of bullets and thundering gunshots soon followed my grand entrance. I now gripped the shining sword with both hands while the other blades flew around me wildly deflecting bullets and slicing open anyone daring enough to get close. Blood was everywhere, on my clothes, all my blades, running down the windows and flowing across the floor of the train car. There was still one more target left in this car, but he didn’t have a gun. ‘A fellow swordsman... You chose the wrong day to be a bad guy.’

As a swordsman should, he examined the situation. He had a broadsword... there’s no way he could get close enough to cause any damage with that. I could see panic in his eyes, he’d seen what I did to all of his gun wielding allies. A brave soul he was, when he finally charged me. Any other time I would have dropped my scabbard to the floor and dueled him fairly, but there was too much rage here that needed to be released.

He closed in and deflected two of my floating swords and attempted to thrust at me, but without a thought crossing my mind, my right arm cut violently through the air and was followed by every blade in my arsenal. The poor being before me was slashed five times in succession with blood erupting from every cut. Before he even had time to register the pain, my arm had come back around and thrusted straight out toward him, causing an invisible force to throw him across the distance of the train car. He felt the pain in mid-flight and screamed, but he was silenced as he crashed into the window of the last door, causing it to shatter.

I gave his blade a second glance. It was a good size, but it wasn’t as strong a material as mine. It would be pointless to try and sell it. Swordsmen were few and far apart, and it was just extra weight I didn’t need right now. The noise of the fight must have drawn the attention of the engineer’s cabin because I saw a greasy mustached man trying to unhook the rear cars from the engine. Apparently Gerald had realized he’d rather have his life than a train car full of drugs.

My breathing was steady now and my pulse had slowed. The worst was behind me and my target was close... I could already see his death in my mind. My swords stopped flying around and returned to their designated places. I could think clearly now... ‘Gerald had better know how to operate an old train because his engineer isn’t going to live much longer.’

I walked slowly toward that last door. The ringing in my ears from the gunfire prevented me from hearing what the grease ball was muttering. He was frantically struggling with a pin that refused to cooperate. I moved the swordsman’s limp body out of my way and opened the door casually, as if nothing had happened.

The engineer stopped struggling with the link and slowly lifted his eyes in my direction. I saw his fear, the panic. As if he wanted to scream but was paralyzed. I could see the light from my gaze reflect off his greasy face and his pathetic drunken eyes. His life was worth nothing, and he had made it that way. I readied the gauntlet on my right hand, this drunken idiot wasn’t going to fight back. I reached down slowly and dug the claws of my glove into his neck and locked them in place.

I began to lift him off the link, and before he could even tell what was going on he was no longer in contact with solid ground. He looked at me, so pathetic and weak... defenseless. His look made me sick, he was scared, his expression suggested he was going to cry... or puke. I decided I didn’t want to know which and threw him under the train. It was moving so fast now I couldn’t even hear his bones being crunched on the rails. It was no longer relevant, my target was now just one door away.

This old crone was more trouble than he was worth. I just fought my way through Charlie and his idiot guards, a train car full of drug dealers, another train car full of armed guards and a swordsman. Just the fact that I was still alive at this point was impossible to comprehend by normal means. The door handle turned silently in my hand, and clicked when it reached it’s fully open position. This was the moment of truth, all sound or awareness to anything but this kill simply faded away into nothingness. Just me, Gerald, and the panicked breathing coming from him as I stared him down.

I started to walk forward. Slowly, menacingly. I could hear my footsteps echo in my mind and mingle with my heartbeat... A tempo for murder.

He began to cower before me, trembling, whimpering. This display of weakness was below cowardly. I could see his sweat start pouring when I unsheathed the shining sword and brought it to rest on my shoulder. This was too sweet to end, I had to savor every moment. “Do you regret what you’ve done?” He panicked and screamed, “What did I do to you!? I was just running my business when that twisted fuck Charlie started causing trouble!”

I shook my head at his comment, “Now now, no need for foul language. And lying to me won’t remove the bounty from your head.” He was still panicking and probably didn’t realize he was screaming at me, “What bounty!? I haven’t done anything wrong! I was just trying to make a few bu...” I swung the sword right past his face, silencing him and trimming his mustache. He glanced at the sword but quickly brought his gaze back to me, his expression had changed... I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

He was looking at something behind me... Maybe he was thinking of escape, or there was some kind of weapon back there. He was trying to come up with a plan to get out, I decided to end this hunt before I was no longer in control. “You have refused repentance and sealed your fate. I hope you enjoy fire.” I slowly rose the sword until the tip was pointed at his neck. He gulped, as I expected him to. They always do.

From here I raised it over my left shoulder, I was going to make a clean cut if he wasn’t going to fight back. I was just about to swing, but a severe spiking pain hit in my back. I felt blood running, and something forcing it’s way through me... I yelled in pain and dropped the shining sword. Reality forced itself back into being, the rushing wind, the thunderous rumbling of the train on the rails, and my own voice, screams muffled by the pain now taking me over.

It pierced me and jutted out of my stomach right below the ribs, covered in my blood... ‘Broadsword?’ That damn swordsman had survived and was now wreaking his vengeance. I tried to think and pull myself off the blade, but I was being lifted off my feet and pain was surging through every nerve in my upper body.

My weight was supported by the hand guard on his sword, he was moving me away from his boss and toward the still open doorway. He tilted his sword and I slid off the cold steel and fell to my knees, I was now watching the ground under me move at an incredible pace. I felt some of the weight leave my back. ‘Are my swords protecting me again?’ I checked... no glowing, not from the pendant or the shining sword, the sword that I had dropped in my weakness and was now laying on the floor of the train engine.

More weight left me, followed by yet more, but no glowing. I heard a clanging noise on the metal floor, I turned to look but I only got a glance before Gerald kicked me in the head. The swordsman had taken all of my blades and piled them on the floor where I had dropped the shining sword. Gerald was now standing over me, I fell backward when he kicked me and now my head was dangerously close to the edge of the platform.

He was saying something but I couldn’t hear it over the rumbling beneath me. I couldn’t yell anymore, my voice had gone out though the pain was still there. I felt my shirt getting heavy from soaking up all the blood. Gerald backed away and returned to the engine’s controls. The swordsman reached down and grasped my shoulder plates... I was once again being moved against my will. He looked me dead in the eyes... “You let your guard down hunter.”

I felt him lift me up higher and toss me from the train. I didn’t have the energy to gain control, I just hit the ground full impact at steam engine speed. Pain now coarsed through my entire body, ears ringing, wounds stinging, filled with dirt and gravel. I just layed there with my fists clenched... ‘I lost... All this work... but nothing to show for it...’


‘I’ve been beaten...’



Last edited by Remiel on Thu 18 Jun 2009, 02:25; edited 1 time in total

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17 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Thu 18 Jun 2009, 02:06

Remiel


Stricken
I can't figure out how posting pictures works or I'd show you what the main character looks like.

Zerstörer, if you're still reading this could you post it for me? I know I sent it to you.

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18 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Thu 18 Jun 2009, 12:15

Zerstörer


Sickened
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Your writing is awesome, by the way! Your ability to use detail without overdoing it is really good!

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19 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Thu 18 Jun 2009, 12:31

Remiel


Stricken
Yeah, that's the one. Thanks a million! And thanks for the compliment. The Guy



And good Lord, these chapters are OLD. Older than that drawing... So many errors... I just didn't feel like proofreading. Ignore my bad comma usage.

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20 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Fri 26 Jun 2009, 17:58

Darkking


Asylum
that story is amazing..and my comment still stands if done by the right person it could be made into a good video game or movie..you might think about a continuation of the story whare he tries to get his revenge on the swordsman that almost killed him..id read it..hellyeah

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21 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Sat 27 Jun 2009, 03:48

zealouso


Warrior
--



Last edited by zealouso on Wed 27 Apr 2016, 10:19; edited 1 time in total

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22 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Mon 29 Jun 2009, 04:38

Remiel told me he was leaving the forum. I know he has more of these, I've read them. I'll see if I can convince him to post the rest.

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23 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Fri 03 Jul 2009, 17:57

S.M.F


Eye of the Storm
Thats fucking good. I might start writing again.

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24 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Mon 07 Sep 2009, 09:04

Remiel


Stricken
Okay people, I'm back. I'm warning you now, I still only have six chapters to this story due to other projects and being 18 I need to get my life in order but I'll post everything I've got. Just let me know if you want it.

And a special reply to Darkking32, yes you'll see that swordsman again, and the whole reason I started writing this was because I was thinking of a video game I would like to make. But, I used the resources available to me and turned it into a fiction. Maybe someday it WILL be a game. You never know, right?

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25 Re: My fiction. Readers beware. on Mon 07 Sep 2009, 14:17

Darkking


Asylum
Hey welcome back to the forum remiel its good to have you. I cant wait for the newest instalment of your spectaculer story, im sure its gonna be awesome. and yes your vary right it may one day be turned into a video game and if its half as good as the story it follows im sure it'll be great.

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