Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction - Page 4


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76 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Thu 17 Jun 2010, 15:16

GuiltyPleasures


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David and Jordan, Part 2 (very short)--

Jordan was floored by David's home. It was about the same size as the other safe houses she'd been in, but someone with the talent for decorating turned it into a palace.

"Your home is beautiful, David," Jordan said. "Did you do all this?"

David looked around his living room. I wish, he thought.



Last edited by GuiltyPleasures on Tue 27 Jul 2010, 02:12; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : partially removing my posts from this thread.)



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77 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Thu 17 Jun 2010, 18:43

tswmcello


Believer
Wow, these last two chapters have been intense!! I like em, btw how did moving go?

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78 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Thu 17 Jun 2010, 20:02

GuiltyPleasures


Global Moderator
Thanks!

Moving is still ongoing, but I have most of my stuff here now, and there's just cleanup at the old place. Going to take care of that starting tomorrow and see if i can't turn in the keys by late next week.

=====

Meanwhile, I have chapters written about Julia that take a time jump from what I've been posting (Julia at ages 5 to 8) to age 12. She's about to have something happen in her life that will change her forever (and no, it's not finding out Morbus is her father. That comes a bit later).

I'll try and post some of those later tonight.

Stay tuned!



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79 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Fri 18 Jun 2010, 04:00

GuiltyPleasures


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Julia witnesses the deaths of her guardians, Part 1--

(Note: Julia is now 12 years old; Joe is 13; Nikolai and Jeremiah are 15)

No one ever thought that the day would come where the San Marcos would have to put their emergency plan to use. Until now, Peter had done random drills with the children, and they were all good at what they did. Peter was especially impressed with Julia's firearms skills.



Last edited by GuiltyPleasures on Tue 27 Jul 2010, 02:14; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : partially removing parts of story from this thread.)



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80 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Fri 18 Jun 2010, 07:37

Yumiyuri


Immortalized
Loved it! xD

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81 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Fri 18 Jun 2010, 10:15

Damn! I got chills! literally chills! (grabs popcorn) ready for another post! my god this shit is awesome!!!! 5 stars!

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82 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Fri 18 Jun 2010, 15:03

GuiltyPleasures


Global Moderator
Julia witnesses the deaths of her guardians, Part 2--

The New Army made two more visits to the San Marco home during those ninety days, mostly to threaten them with everything from prison to forcing the boys into military service.

During one of these visits, Jeremiah was present, and told the New Army captain who sat smugly in the living room that he had no intention of serving a government that was in power illegally. The captain accused the San Marcos of brainwashing their children, to which Peter said,



Last edited by GuiltyPleasures on Tue 27 Jul 2010, 02:16; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : partially removing parts of story from this thread.)



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83 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sat 19 Jun 2010, 01:16

tswmcello


Believer
Wow, pretty crazY! Can;t wait for the next entry, one suggestion, when your making the title for a set of chapters you might not want to give away what happens before you read it.

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84 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sat 19 Jun 2010, 01:23

GuiltyPleasures


Global Moderator
Aww c'mon, Tyler! Cut me a little slack LOL... you knew someone had to die in order for the story to progress. But it's what she does after that that will blow your mind!

Thanks for the suggestion, though. I appreciate all the feedback!



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85 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sat 19 Jun 2010, 01:44

GuiltyPleasures


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Part 3--

The arguments between the San Marcos and the New Army were wearing everyone down. The leader was far beyond losing his patience. He ordered that the San Marcos be arrested and that a top to bottom search of the house and woods be conducted for the children.

Julia, in the closet, texted this info to her brothers in the woods. Since she knew that the hideout was very well camoflauged, per Peter's instruction, that all they'd have to do is hide inside and wait for the search to be over.



Last edited by GuiltyPleasures on Tue 27 Jul 2010, 02:19; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : partially removing parts of story from thread)



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86 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sat 19 Jun 2010, 05:56

Yumiyuri


Immortalized
Cool. What happens next????

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87 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sat 19 Jun 2010, 08:45

OMG AWESOME! sad, but yanno what i mean...goin to get more popcorn....again reading this post, i got uber- chills...girl, you can write!

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88 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sat 19 Jun 2010, 17:55

GuiltyPleasures


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Part 4--

The next morning, the four trooped back through the woods to the house, which now was empty of life. They knew that they would be sent to live with others, and not necessarily together. This made Julia sad, because she didn't know if she'd ever see her brothers again.

They entered the house and immediately saw the blood on the carpet where the San Marcos were shot, and where Kiera had her throat slashed. The stench was overwhelming and Nik became ill, running out to the back yard to vomit.



Last edited by GuiltyPleasures on Tue 27 Jul 2010, 02:21; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : partially removing parts of story from thread.)



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89 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sat 19 Jun 2010, 22:18

Yumiyuri


Immortalized
Wow.

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90 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sun 20 Jun 2010, 04:45

GuiltyPleasures


Global Moderator
Part 5--

Julia and her brothers made it to the Disturbed Ones compound before dark. No one knew yet what Julia had done. They knew that David and the other leaders were aware of the deaths of the San Marcos, but not that Julia had gotten revenge against the man who killed them.

Jeremiah knew that he needed to take Julia to either Morbus or David. Julia was not too willing to part with him or the others. As the oldest, he was in charge of carrying out Peter and Kiera's plan if something like this were to happen.

“Jules,” Nik said as they walked to the main building on the compound, the one that held the offices of the leaders, “what got into you back there at the house?”

“You guys were in trouble, and I was the only one who could get you out of it.”



Last edited by GuiltyPleasures on Tue 27 Jul 2010, 02:23; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : partially removing parts of story from thread.)



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91 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sun 20 Jun 2010, 06:52

tswmcello


Believer
Wow, you were certanily right it does blow my mind!!!!

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92 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sun 20 Jun 2010, 09:58

WOW...JUST...WOW..... Go Julia! whoo hoo! the world aint ready for this lil girl! damn i can just imagine whats gonna go down....
so glad u wrote more, been waitin to get off work so i could ruch to my computer to see another installment! love love this story!

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93 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sun 20 Jun 2010, 12:21

Yumiyuri


Immortalized
WHOA, LOL

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94 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sun 20 Jun 2010, 14:33

GuiltyPleasures


Global Moderator
Part Six--

When he arrived in the war room, Morbus saw Mike, John and the children sitting around the meeting table. Everyone was in their own thoughts. Morbus thought it odd that there was no conversation going on.

Joe was the first to see Morbus enter the room, and said a quiet hello. Even after all these years, Joe was still a little uncomfortable with the way Morbus looked.

Morbus saw that Julia noticed him enter, but just sat there. Morbus thought this, too, was odd. Julia was usually the first to greet Morbus, and just a couple of weeks earlier, she greeted him in her usual enthusiastic manner, but today was different. She knew something was going to happen that would change her life forever, as if losing her guardians wasn't life changing enough.



Last edited by GuiltyPleasures on Tue 27 Jul 2010, 02:25; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : removing parts of story from thread.)



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95 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sun 20 Jun 2010, 16:40

Vioz


Eye of the Storm
i liek it

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96 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sun 20 Jun 2010, 17:21

Awesome!

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97 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Sun 20 Jun 2010, 22:23

tswmcello


Believer
awesomesauce!!!

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98 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Mon 21 Jun 2010, 02:12

Disturbed1forEternity


God of the Mind
Hello, everyone! I'm the new chick on the site. I just read this entire story all the way through. There were some parts I LOVED, some parts had things to be desired, and some just didn't sound right, but overall... I LOVE IT!!!!!!! I can't wait to read more!

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99 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Mon 21 Jun 2010, 08:29

ok, i made popcorn...on with more of the story..im dying to know what happens next! Winking

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100 Re: Guiltypleasures' Disturbed fan fiction on Mon 21 Jun 2010, 09:56

GuiltyPleasures


Global Moderator
Disturbed1forEternity wrote:Hello, everyone! I'm the new chick on the site. I just read this entire story all the way through. There were some parts I LOVED, some parts had things to be desired, and some just didn't sound right, but overall... I LOVE IT!!!!!!! I can't wait to read more!

Thank you so much for all your feedback!

I have to agree that there are parts that are not as good as others, but you have to understand, I started writing this for the sheer hell of it. Usually, I would have done months of research to get each character and situation right on the mark, but I started writing it and it just flowed out of me. And it's still flowing, because there is more written.

Sometimes you just have to suspend what is real and just go with the flow. I'm glad that you enjoy what you've read so far. There is more.

And again, thank you for reading and leaving feedback! It's greatly appreciated.



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